dreamless days, dreamful nights

sometimes i feel like, i forgotten how to think
how to dream
and how to be excited

is it like this with everyone's ns period? busy busy, then overexposed to the same work, then a grind out to the end of our service...in the past 18 and a half months, even as i learned some technical skills, i feel my life's gearbox slowing to neutral and my aspirations naught. is it always so difficult to find out what you want, and things that makes your heart beat lil faster? maybe its end of student life. maybe its growin up, without being ready to be grownup.

given myself 2 years to figure out what i might wanna do and time is running out, yes, even the supposedly slow-passing time that exists in ns world.

then again, no expectations means no disappointment. no roller-coasters, no vomiting your breakfast. still...i kind of admire those with a big goal. working towards one must surely make you feel alive. like how i felt at 6 dropping a coconut a few times from the 4th floor with a neighbour to get at the juice and flesh inside. or going to a new class or school or country with no friends.

those were the days :)